The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
