Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
