Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Of course I have a pirate flag
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
