She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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