I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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