47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
