glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
