do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
