My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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