ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Randomize