the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
