she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
