Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
