If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
