Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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