I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
