i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize