so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
