Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
