My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
