He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
