I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
4 words: hood of his car
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It's never too late to be topless.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
