I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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