this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
