as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
