I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
