Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize