Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
