Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
When did angry sex become our thing?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
