Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
