maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
