Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I have fence marks all over my body
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
