Just fell off a train. Bad.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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