It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
