she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
