you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Randomize
