no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
