Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i came on her dog
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Oh god it's open bar.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
