I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
