I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
