mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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