I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
