I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
