who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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