Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
