I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
