I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
