im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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