I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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