Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
