I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you told grandpa to call you daddy
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize