Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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