turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
