If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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