I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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