In the future we'll all be gay
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
