Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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