the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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