watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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