I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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