***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
