It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
