By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
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