If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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