The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
