can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
