I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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