I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
