apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Randomize
