I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
