So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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