I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
