WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
