the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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