i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
