I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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