we have officially lost it.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
