found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
