My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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